What to tell mutual friends when you’re doing no contact

No contact with him doesn’t mean no contact with everyone you both know. You can keep your friends. You just need a few short lines ready, so you aren’t making them up on the spot.

Here are the ones that cover most situations. Change the words so they sound like you.

To a mutual friend

“I’m taking 30 days of no contact with him. I’d love to still see you. Can we keep him out of our chats for now?”

Most friends are relieved to be told what helps. You’re not asking them to pick a side, only to skip the updates.

When a friend brings him up anyway

“I’d rather not hear updates right now. Tell me about you.”

Say it lightly and change the subject. If it keeps happening, it’s fine to see that friend one-on-one for a while, somewhere he won’t come up.

If you run into him

Keep it to about 30 seconds.

1. Nod or say hello.
2. One line: “Hey, good to see you. I’m heading out.”
3. Leave.

You don’t owe anyone a conversation in a doorway. A calm exit is a complete answer.

If he reaches out

“I’m taking some space and won’t be in touch for now. Take care.”

Send it once, or don’t reply at all. Both are fine. Decide which you’ll do before it happens, so you aren’t deciding at midnight.

If you share kids, a lease or a pet

Then the goal is logistics-only contact, not no contact: “For the lease, let’s keep it to this thread and just logistics. The rent transfer went through. Thanks.”

One thread, only the details, no small talk.

To family

“We broke up. I’m OK and I’m not ready to talk about it yet. I’ll tell you more when I am.”

Keep them where you can find them

Thirty Quiet Days keeps these in a scripts library with a copy button, filtered by situation, so the right line is two taps away when you need it. More on setting up the month in how to do no contact for 30 days.